What do they say when you walk out the door?

Aren't we all experts on our friends lives? We know what their "issues" are, how much their "baggage" weighs, and we are also blessed with the solutions to all of their problems. If only we had the guts to tell them.

In an interview with Dr. Phil, he said that he had left private practice because of his frustration with clients that wanted to stay clients, even after he had given them clear advice on how to solve their problems. They didn't really want to bring and end to their woes, just talk about them. Every week. For 50 minutes. With him.

What about you? Would you want to put an end to your business, career or personal troubles if offered a solid solution?

Several years ago, I hit a point in my life where nothing seemed to be working. My career and family life were out of balance, I didn't feel very well, my business was growing but not in ways I expected or was prepared for. I kept tweaking the formula of my attention and nothing seemed to work. I did something that sounds simple, but it simply wasn't done.

I surveyed the people in my life that spent the most time with me: friends, family, co-workers, employees and individually asked them this: Imagine that you are gathered with my circle of friends. I come in all cranky about my life, and then leave the room. What would you all agree on that I needed to change or do with my life. I asked them to be blunt.

I did this with 4 or 5 people. They all had the exact same answer. Some of these people had never met each other, but they all knew me. Guess what? I did what they suggested and it worked. It took a long time for me to go through the process, but I did it and I am 100% happier and healthier.

Does your life seem a wee bit out of whack? Try it. Ask them "What do people say about me when I walk out the door?" It usually starts with something like "If she could just stop going back to that man!" or "Why doesn't she just tell her mother she can't send her anymore money?" or "Stop writing prisoners!".

If all of your peeps say that you should start a business, do it! If they all say you should quit that job, maybe their perspective gives them something you should listen to. You are surrounded by advisors, make an appointment!

Imagine! The Joy of Backward Thinking!

Imagine that it is the year 2015 and you are in a courtroom. You are well dressed but your feet hurt. You are there to finalize matters with creditors at your bankruptcy hearing. Huh?!? How did THAT happen?

Imagine that it is the year 2020 and you are in a courtroom. You are well dressed but your feet hurt. You are there for the final dissolution of your marriage. Huh?! How the heck did THAT happen?

Take a few moments to consider what events most likely happened in your near future as the building blocks to the disastrous outcomes above. What could you have done to prevent these things? What is well within your control that you maybe neglect or get too busy for that may  prevent such dreadful outcomes.

For many of us, looking backward is easier than looking forward. I suggest you use this exercise to look back from your future. This is a great way to rethink your own behavior before it leads to disaster. The beautiful thing about this backward/forward vision is that you can utilize it to prevent failures and also to get you closer to your desired goals. 

Imagine that it is the year 2016 and your are writing the tuition check to your kid's college of choice for a full year. Today, you have enough in the college savings account to pay for a tank of gas. Visualize how you get there in just 6 years time. You can still do this, you have 6 years!!!!

Imagine the day you retire from the career you love. Visualize the hobbies and travel that can become your daily life. Now is the time to plan that future.

Companies routinely use this backward thinking in their strategic planning for future growth. See the goal and work backward, planning the action steps, resources needed, etc... to get them there.

The next time somebody accuses you of backwards thinking, say "Why yes, thank you!".

Mary Rogers

Connecting the Dots

Thanks to all who commented on my July 5th blog about finding my sweet spot (that whole career/family/self balance point) and how I could deliver the message of a scaled back picture of success in a speech to Detroit women business owners in a few months. What insightful readers and writers this blog has! Please go back and read the comments, it will be very worth your time.

One of my concerns about this speech is that these business owners are up against a monster of a bad economy. My Little Mary Sunshine message of "Hey, maybe where you are RIGHT NOW is just fine" felt a bit uncomfortable for me. 

Bill Marsh Jr, of Bill Marsh Auto Group read my blog and was good enough to send me a  speech given by executive coach and speaker Connie Podesta of Texas. I took away many ideas from Connie's remarks. One that I thought most worth sharing is this: We rarely question our happiness when all is going well: customers are beating a path to our door, employees are happy and productive, vendors are meeting your demands, etc... Rather, it is when sales have dumped, you can't meet payroll, and vendors have turned into creditors that unless you really love what you are doing and have a clear priority to succeed at it, work just sucks.

When I started doing the Mary in the Morning Show, the general manager of the station told me that the first day I found myself not wanting to get out of bed at 4AM would be the day to hand in my resignation. It messes up your family life and plain old hurts too much to wake up that early if you aren't excited to get to work. After 3 years, I completely understand what he was telling me. There is no way that I would sacrifice normal life for this job if it was anything less than the most fun job imaginable.

So, the message here is: If in this rotten economy you have lost the love for your business, career or job, you probably never really loved it all that much. Time to reevaluate what makes you happy, good times or bad, and get moving in that direction.

Would you like fries with that?

No matter what type of business you are in, the old truism stands: Nothing happens until someone sells something. You may be the best at what you do, but if you avoid selling, you are dead in the water. If prospecting isn't your idea of fun, and let's face it, who among us enjoys cold calling, maybe there is another way to boost your selling. 

Before you get a cold call panic attack, let's maximize each sale that comes in the door now. Fast food companies are the ultimate marketers of selling more than the customer plans to buy. "Would you like fries with that?" or, " Would you like to Super Size that for just a dollar more?" Why not apply the same philosophy to how you service your current clients? 

Keep them in the Family

Do you have related products or services to your core business? Begin today to offer them with every sale! Consider packaging or bundling products and services with different names (Silver, Gold, Platinum). Example: Siding installers can offer power washing. Call it what you want but offer an add-on of 3 annual power washings and free inspections. 

Get a Commitment

Do your customers need your services repeatedly? Example: Hair stylists... Offer an annual hair care package of a cut every 8 weeks, color every 16 weeks, nail service and a $50 retail credit for products. Discount it for advance purchase or throw in a labor only expense such as unlimited brow waxing.

There's a place down the road...

Could you expand your line of products or services. Here's an exercise: What type of referrals do your salespeople make most often to another business. Why pass revenue to someone else's cash register. If you are a window cleaning service, think about adding screen repair. If you are a travel agent, consider a house or pet sitting service.

It's that time of year

Check in with customers as they near the anniversary date of their last purchase. Your business may be seasonal, or the customer always calls you in October because that is when their birthday reminds them of your service, in any case, take advantage of the opportunity to call and check in. Even if it is just to "see how things are". It is a chance to tell them about new offerings that may be of interest.

Your current clients are the easiest path to larger revenues. Before you embark on a prospecting campaign, be certain that all staff with customer contact are looking for sales potential of current buyers and that they have a menu of offerings.

Good luck and get selling!,
Mary

Men in bras

In 1986, I was charged with establishing The Women's Business Council of a local chamber of commerce. As the staff member leading a group of member volunteers, it was my role to implement the member's vision of the Board of Directors directive to serve the needs of women in the business community. I was filled with a passion for celebrating modern empowered women. I came to my first meeting with the group armed with a folder full of workshop and speaker ideas on accessing capital, establishing gender-neutral employee policies, sexual harassment awareness programs, etc... All designed to provide cutting edge information and strategies to liberate us from the oppression of the patriarchal business culture. The group wanted to host a fashion show.  I wanted to cry.

"No!" I railed. I probably said something like "Over my dead body", but I can't be sure, it is a blur, a big pink blur. But I am sure that I tried something along the lines of..."Ladies, we have been given an opportunity to be taken seriously, to rise above the ranks of the secretarial pool, we must provide programming that not only serves women but sends a message to the entire community that women in business must to be taken SERIOUSLY!!!!! They stared at me. "Oh".

Keep in mind that my manila folder full of ideas was the ONLY accessory to my plain blue suit with sensible flat-heeled shoes and understated (if even existent) jewelry. We were dressing like men so that we would be treated like men. Those of us at the helm of the womens' business movement were denying our every feminine quality.

Twenty-five years later, I would host a fashion show without a second thought. In fact, Mary in the Morning and Marigold are the proud sponsors of the National Cherry Festival's Royal Pageant of Fashion . Whodathunkit? So what's changed? We can now be WOMEN instead of men in bras.

The worlds of feminism and fashion have always clashed. When I think of an over-the-top hard-core feminist I see a hairy arm-pitted woman in no make up with stringy, if not un-brushed hair. She's not prettying herself up for a man! Well, the message is she's not prettying up for ANYBODY! 

Nowadays, I'm perfectly comfortable expressing myself through fashion and beauty as a complement to what I have to contribute to a conversation. I see a fashion show as an opportunity to preview what is available in stores to help save me precious time when I need or want a new outfit. I am definitely not a fashion plate and consider myself to be fashion-challenged, so for me, a fashion show is like spell check, preventing me from making gaffes that would be potentially embarrassing to "Brand Mary".

I hope to see you at The Royal Pageant of Fashion!

Change Your Plans for Thursday!

Whatever your plans may be for Thursday morning, you will want to change them. At 7:30AM you want to be by a radio, tuned in to my conversation with Donna. Donna? Yes, Donna. She's going to say some things that may shock you, may make you uncomfortable, but I guarantee that you will be talking about her for the rest of the day.

Donna Estes Antebi has written a book, The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper, The 21st Century Woman's Guide to Success and Survival - including dirty tricks every woman needs to know! 

The book is not being released until this fall, but I have an advance copy. Now, keep in mind that I get a pile of books each and every week from publishers and publicists wanting to get their author on Mary in the Morning. I've become very discerning in deciding who I feels has something new, relevant and original to lend to my show. Since first picking up this book about a month ago, I've thought about it every single day. I've given it to friends to read and review, and despite her Keep This Book Away From Men warning on the cover, I've given it to men and listened to their ideas as well.. Everyone who reads it is somewhat shocked, somewhat jarred, but all are impacted.  

Last week I caught up with Donna by phone at her office in Los Angeles. We spoke for an hour or so about our adult sons and their choices of women, WEEDS (her term for younger women stealing married men and destroying families), the swinging pendulum and backlash of feminism on the role of men. It was fascinating conversation. 

She'll tell you to just stop being a bitch to your husband, why to sign a pre-nup, why not to sleep with men you wouldn't marry, how to be a Cleo instead of a Cougar,why it's okay for your man to dress badly, and why you will never be Oprah.

I will interview her on Wednesday afternoon, it will air on Thursday at 7:30am. We do have a few copies to give away to listeners, but don't expect me to give up mine!

What Mary thinks of Dr. Laura

Last month YOU-FM, the home of Mary in in the Morning, switched to an all talk format. Will it be a ratings coup? A bomb? It will be a couple years before we know for sure, but the line-up of shows has certainly gotten some tongues wagging. I'm thoroughly enjoying the comments I'm getting from listeners.

The reaction so far has been completely random from love to hate, very little middle ground here. The prime time line-up includes the Queen of the Left, Stephanie Miller who airs immediately after Mary in the Morning; Dave Ramsey the Live Debt Free guru who brings Jesus into the conversation with callers quite comfortably; the acerbic Dr. Laura is there for your afternoon drive, followed by rightie-pants Jerry Doyle.

When I'm out and about I'm asking people their thoughts on the line-up, 90 percent of the time the conversation leads to: "Mary, what do YOU think of Dr. Laura?" This is a very polarizing question, or at least I think it is meant to be. If you say they you like Dr. Laura, people can fit you into a box full of assumptions (pro-life, anti-gay, women should stay home with the kids, blah, blah, blah) So here you have it: I love Dr. Laura for being Dr. Laura. I don't agree with many of her positions on how we humans run our lives, but I do respect and cheer for her decision to not be politically correct.

This woman has balls.  Dr. Laura filters her callers questions through a simple filter of right and wrong, black or white, her way the highway. She doesn't have the inclination or interest or time to sugar coat it. She gives her opinion. And that is why people continue to call and take the abuse. She makes the drama of our lives so simple. Do this, goodbye, Next caller....

Even when I'm disagreeing with her, calling her names, rolling my eyes at the radio, I am completely and thoroughly enjoying myself. I try to catch at least part of her show every day. We seem at times to be a nation of very stupid people, and Dr. Laura is one of the only brave voices out their.

Most importantly, Dr. Laura has been on the scene long enough that every caller to her show should know what to expect. She is so predictable that she couldn't possibly be accused of ambushing anybody. Simplistic? Yes. Heartless? Perhaps. Ambivalent? Never!

Tune in to Dr. Laura daily 3-6PM and let me know your thoughts on her show.

Mary

Is there anything new to say about Work/Family Balance?

The very worst guest on Mary in the Morning is the "expert" that points out a very serious issue and then spends the next 15 minutes of valuable airtime saying exactly that, over and over and over. This issue is SOO important. No innovative solution, no 3 step plan to make things better. Just a reiteration of why the topic is so important and even more annoyingly, how important it is that you resolve this issue... or else here's the bad news: (fill in the blank). BUT NO ANSWERS WE CAN USE.

Whenever I hear from a publicist about an author who has tackled the Work vs. Family Balance issue, I ask to see the book before agreeing to the booking. I have yet to read anything new on the topic. There are some guiding principles that we are all familiar with:

1. Learn to say no
2. Delegate at home and work
3. Demand support for your career from family members
4. Work for a company that supports family-friendly policies
5. Approach your career phases as seasons, relating to the demands of your family over a period of time

Beyond these basics, I have yet to hear anything ground-breaking or even interesting on the topic. I just crave my Calgon Take Me Away moment when I consider the issue. I just read an e-mail from a listener who would like more conversation on the Mary in the Morning show about family/work balance. She is hopeful that other listeners will have great ideas that they could share with each other. Have I become cynical and skeptical? I predict a morning of dead air.

This is a challenge for every woman I know and I have come to believe that there exists a unique approach for every woman. No one-size-fits-all answer. Some of us get it and some of us spend way too much of our time feeling inadequate and a disappointment to others.

Our mothers blazed the trail for us, gaining entry to many career fields that were closed to us. They told us we could be anything we wanted and we did it! But we haven't figured out how our families are going function if we aren't there. Carol the Corporate Wonder thinks that her 11 year-old daughter will be so proud of Mom for being the first woman in her company to be promoted to Regional Manager, but in reality, she'd prefer you be home after school to help make banners for swim team. Women go around and around in their minds, trying to remember what is really important and what is not. How much are they willing to sacrifice for their families, how much for their careers? Would your husband's give up your $45,000 salary in exchange for a more relaxed life partner?

Do you have ideas to share? Let's start the conversation here and see where it goes...

Rest and Win!

Ten years ago (post 9/11) the trend was Nesting. In February, I was remarking to my geeky marketing friends that I believed that an upcoming marketing trend would be Resting. My geeky friends scowled at me, thinking I had lost my trend-spotting touch. After all, our culture prizes the go-go-go lifestyle accessorized with speedy technology pushing us to heights of frenzied productivity and madness. 

I held firm. More and more research is showing that without REST, we diminish the returns from our efforts, both cerebral and physical.. Think about your weekends and vacations, restful? I'm not asking are they fun. Are they Restful? Do your body and mind ever, ever, ever get a chance to catch up. Just relax. Do you find yourself creating to-do lists while getting a massage, having sex, trying to fall asleep. Perhaps, you have forgotten how to... rest.

I had put my Rest Marketing Trend  on the upper shelf, out of my reach with a wait and see attitude, until this conversation took place:

Mary: Thank you doctor for taking my call. I'm wondering what I can do to speed up my recovery from surgery?

Doctor: Rest.

Mary: Yes, I understand, but what else? Supplements? Pharmaceuticals? CDs or tapes I can download to my iPod?  Special exercises? A class? Yeah, an expensive Get Better Faster class? I'd like to sign up for that right away!!!

Doctor: Rest and time are the only two things you need. And maybe more sleep.

Mary: Tell me, please, that you are kidding.

Doctor: Mary, all you need is rest.

Now not every one needs to recover from surgery, but I think we are all going to start getting the message from health and mental wellness folks that what we need, in order to be more of whatever we are trying to be, is, in fact, rest.

I predict that:

• You will see products launching to help us get better rest, like Zeo, your personal sleep coach. 
• You will learn strategies from the sports world about resting for winning.
• You will begin to hear more about the impact of fatigue on your body and mind.

So my message is twofold: 1) get more rest; and, 2) if you are a marketer, begin to think of how you can bring a promise of rest to your customers and clients.

Love and Business

As women will do, I was chatting with a friend about well, yes, relationships. We were talking about people marrying up or down. My friend recalled a conversation she had with her bright, successful niece about her engagement to a man that was quite frankly a total loser. The bride-to-be beamed when she spoke of how her loser fiancé made her feel special and loved like never before. The wise aunt asked her “Tell me what you love about him?” Again the bride rallied on about his understanding of her personality, his patience with her, how he adores and accepts everything about her. She had never felt so confident about herself in a relationship or even in general. She owed it all to him. Asked again, “But really, what do you love about HIM?”  The young woman cocked her head and said “I don’t get what you mean?” Yikes. Fast-forward three years, and predictably the niece had taken her now self-confident self on the road and left the loser, telling her friends that she realized she never really loved him. Double yikes. Aunt: 2 points!

So what does this have to do with business? Plenty. The employer/employee relationship is very similar to a marriage. If an employee judges their marriage with your company only by what they get from the relationship, it won’t last. However if an employee loves being a part of the company, feels pride in how the company operates, can point to specific examples of the company doing the right thing, acting with integrity and charity in the community, respecting all employees, and making smart decisions, the employee will stay with you through thick and thin.

These are the businesses that when a company-wide pay cut is needed, employees don’t gripe or curse; they work harder to save the company they love. How do you know which type of company you are?

Ask yourself:
Do departing employees typically leave for higher paying companies?
Are company parties, special occasions poorly attended?
Employees would prefer to not wear logo attire?
There are many long time employees?

Your answers should give you some insight into how lovable your company is. Surprisingly it has very little to do with compensation and more to do with integrity, smart management and caring about your staff.

My advice: People need to know that they a part of something bigger and better than themselves. Be a good company and communicate the how and why to your employees and your community. Make employees feel proud of their association with your company.

If you work for a company you love, tell us why. Maybe an employer will learn something.

Mary

Your Mary in the Morning Internship Experience

What do you do when you need more staff and the budget master says "No!". You hire interns!!!  If you need college credit, or you are "available for new opportunities", this may be just the way to spend your summer, gaining valuable work experience, references and contacts. You do not need to be interested in a radio career to benefit from the Mary in the Morning Internship Experience. You will be using skills in marketing, research, social media, promotion, entertainment and more. You will also have more fun than any intern deserves, but we can't help that!

Join the Mary in the Morning Show as an unpaid intern.
The Official Mary in the Morning Internship Experience 
Spring/Summer 2010

Title: Mary in the Morning Intern

Location: Traverse City, MI

Job Description: Intern will support Host and Producer of Mary in the Morning.  We are currently offering a unique and exciting internship with Northern Broadcast, including 1067YOU-FM, Marigold and Mary in the Morning.

Approx 25-30 hours per week with some flexibility.

Roles and Responsibilities: Intern will assist in day-to-day activities of creating the Mary in the Morning show with heavy emphasis on show prep including guest/topic research, developing local contacts, and social media.  The vast majority of your duties will be hands on, seat of your pants Mary in the Morning show creation providing support for all behind-the-scenes elements including promotions and programming. During the live show, you will be greeting show guests, making them comfortable, assisting chefs with their gear, getting coffee, pulling audio from internet sources, and generally working in fabulously orchestrated chaos.Yes, you may find yourself ON-THE-AIR, but your primary role will be behind the scenes.

Requirements:

•    Must be computer literate and internet savvy

•    Internships are available to non-students looking for work experience

•    First consideration is given to college students seeking an academic internship for receiving academic credit - it is the applicant's responsibility to set up the internship with the school

•    You must be 18 years of age or older

•    We specialize in lifestyle issues of women age 30-55. Interns must relate to this market segment

•    Must be available in-studio 6AM to 9AM Mon-Fri. for 90 day internship. Interns are invited to, but not required to work off-site events.

How to get this position:

Send an e-mail to Mary@GoMarigold.com including a message of WHY you want to join our team, what you bring to the table and when you can start. Also include a link to a you tube video or article that you think would make a great topic for a segment of the show. Include your resume and contact info!

The Fair Factor of a Family Business

I've bumped into one topic several times in the past few days and figure that somebody who follows this blog will benefit. "That's not fair", we all say this as kids when a sibling got some thing or privilege that we did not. Where was the equality????? As parents we do try to be fair with our kids and, for the most part, kids expect that their parents will do right by them. Hence the outrage when they experience a violation of the code.

Fast forward to real life where guess what? Life's not always fair, especially in the work place. Is that bad? Can we still cry "That's not fair!" Nowhere does this issue of fairness become a convoluded contest of contestents and judges of equality over performance than in a family owned business. A very wise working partner in a family business pointed out to me that trouble erupts when you apply the same principles of family life to a business culture. It just doesn't work. Compensation and promotion must be based on performance not the membership card to the gene pool.

Not easy to implement when you have siblings or cousins (of any age) working in the business. Just because you own equal equity does not mean equal compensation.

What to do? Three principles to guide family member/owner income from the family business:

1. Family members should share equally in business equity, especially if inherited from parents. Any draws on equity should be handled following strictly agreed to policies that are consistently applied to all family member owners.
2. Compensation (salaries, commissions, bonuses, etc...) for family and non-family should be based on the market value of the employee within your region's economy and circumstances. Inflated salaries for family members will have non-family employees stormin' for the door.
3. Family members not employed by the business should never receive benefits of employment.

These principles will serve you well in times of "That's not fair!". They will also give non-family member employees a sense of fairness. It doesn't matter if you are 8 or 48, we all want to be treated fairly, if not equally. 

The Final Period

So, what does THE FINAL PERIOD mean to you:

Noun    1.    final period - the final division into which the play of a game is divided
division, section, part - one of the portions into which something is regarded as divided and which together constitute a whole; period of play, playing period, play - (in games or plays or other performances) the time during which play proceeds; "rain stopped play in the 4th inning"
Based on WordNet 3.0, Farlex clipart collection. © 2003-2008 Princeton University, Farlex Inc.

My final period, is, well, exactly that, my last period. I'm having a hysterectomy in a few weeks and my next period will be my last. Believe me when I say that I am so past baby making this is not going to change any family building plans I may have had. As pleased, thrilled, excited as I am to have this monthly ritual with me, I do feel that it is a milestone worth noting.

There are few things in life that you can be sure are the LAST time you will experience them.

"This is the last time I'm splurging on shoes!"

"This is the last time I am going to eat a chocolate cake in one sitting"

"This is the last man I'll marry"

This is for sure the last time I am going to get cranky and emotional, be dogged by cramps and bleed so heavily I can't leave the house. Woo-Hoo! No more making sure I have a tampon in my purse, just in case.

Since humankind began, religions and cultures have marked the milestones of our lives like weddings and bat mitzvas. You've also heard me advocate for gatherings of friends and loved ones for business closings and divorces. I just think closure and public recognition are important. 

In this spirit, I have chosen to have a Final Period Celebration. I think other women would do the same if they only knew when it was going to happen. It is a bit dicey planning this soiree because I don't know precisely when it will happen, darned that I'm not regular. This is a party hostess nightmare!

I'm picturing centerpieces made from a variety of feminine hygiene products. A friend today suggested I serve Red Velvet cake.One thing for sure... Bloody Mary's will be available. Aw come on, you knew it was coming!

Should have posted this sooner!

No, actually, I'm blogging on time... this time. Is procrastination your enemy? I admit that I am a first-class over-achieving procrastinator. I can't wait to bond with my "better later than now" brothers and sisters at Marigold Forum on Thursday 2/18.

For a long time I bought into the research that said procrastination was a game of perfectionism. If there was any doubt that the end result would be less than perfect, we would delay starting the project at all. As with so many other theories, this one is being tossed out the window. I've never been a card-carrying perfectionist so I always wondered about the validity.

Here is my theory on my procrastination, because it seems to get worse as I get older: If I hit a roadblock in my project or chore, where I don't know exactly how to do something, I bail. At least for a time being, because I'm going to need to figure something out. At 46, I seem to think I should know everything I need to know and if it is going to require work (ugh!) to learn something, I put it off because I'd rather spend time doing what I know.Yes, I am ashamed. The strange thing is, I love learning new stuff, but I want to do it on my terms, not out of necessity. 

How about you? Why do you procrastinate? Have you figured out a way to leave this club? Can you come to my house and figure out why I can't view .pdfs anymore?

Post your comments here and please join us at Red Ginger on Thursday 2/18. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER. NOW!

Your friend,

Mary Rogers

Aha! Guest Blogger: Robyn Marcotte, Aha! Leadership

Today’s Aha!    

Great ideas can come from the craziest places…

Don’t underestimate the source of a great idea. Over the past week, I can’t tell you how many times I have said “Aha!“ or “Wow! …that’s an awesome idea!   “The simplest comment can be so profound.  And it can come from the most unexpected person or place.  So, check this out…

I am on the treadmill watching Oprah (yes, I am a closet Oprahaholic…) and she is having a conversation with some big important movie star using Skype.  If you’re not familiar with Skype it is a free online video telephone.  Seriously, it’s like George and Judy Jetson used to use in the old cartoon “The Jetson’s”.   Anyway, I thought to myself …Oprah keeps using this Skype gizmo to have guest on her show.  Why does she do that? Well there are probably at least two reasons good reasons: 1) it saves on travel costs and 2) it saves a ton of time shuffling last minute guests to and from Chicago.   I thought to myself… that’s it, I can use Skype to  connect with customers all over Michigan.  It’s free… it’s fast … most important it’s fun!  I now Skype 6 to 10 times a week and beam myself from location to location in minutes.  Pretty cool!

My point, open your eyes… your ears and your mind…  There are so many great ideas out there that can be used to solve so many different problems.

A couple of days ago, I was in a leadership meeting at our church.  Just like the for profit sector, non-profit organizations are getting creative with cost cutting ideas.  We learned that the janitor came up with a $12000 per year cost cutting idea.  Get this… by closing off one section of the massive parking lot on weekdays the church saves money by not salting the parking lot. Because the parking lot fully surrounds the building there are over 6,000 other parking spots to choose from.  Besides the demand for parking is obviously the greatest on Sunday morning.  So, none was really inconvenienced by the change.  Now … that is a simple idea from a truly unexpected place.

If there is one thing that I have learned over the years it’s that sometimes we just look too hard and take ourselves way too seriously  when looking for great ideas.  So, today put on your pink sunglasses and go out looking for ideas.  See every encounter, every interaction, and every situation as an opportunity to spark a new idea.  I guarantee you will be amazed at how many great ideas you’ll spot.
Just think of the possibilities….
Pay it forward and share your Aha! comment here!

     

Robyn Marcotte
Aha! Leadership LLC.

Robyn.Marcotte@ahaleadership.com
248.882.2354
www.ahaleadership.com
Skype: robyn.marcotte

“Is it possible that she’s just plain stupid?

We all learned in kindergarten that STUPID is not a word you should ever use, but sometimes, just sometimes, it is the only word that works. Stranger yet, it may be the verdict you hope for.

Have you ever had a client, colleague or co-worker do something to you that was so nasty, unethical, under-handed, sneaky, dishonest, etc… that you had to stop for a moment and think to yourself “Is she just stupid or is she doing this on purpose?”.

My experience is that these moments first prompt head-shaking shock, you say “WHAT?”, as if you can’t comprehend what the person is doing/saying. In most cases you are initially stunned and then seek counsel from others. “Is she just stupid or is she doing this with full knowledge that she’ll be voted off the island for this?” It is the “Just exactly what am I dealing with here?” question.

As mature and polite members of society, we might first seek clarification directly from the offender with a question that sounds something like….   “Do you realize that I’ve worked for 2 years on that account and you are going to take food from my kid’s mouths if you continue this?” 

One of 2 things will happen here: 1) Confession of pure stupidity with profuse apologies for not having grasped the finer implications of her actions; or 2) Stone faced admission of “I don’t give a damn”.

And then the Trial of Character begins.

We seek character witnesses who can shed light on the likeliness of her stupidity or evil greed. Is there a history of other offenses? Any prior convictions? What is the word on the street about this person?

Here is the point in this: How would you stand up to a Trial of Your Character? Would it be the consensus of your peers that you are just being stupid (this is the desirable determination, by the way) or would others have stories about you demonstrating something less than the highest standards of ethics. “Yes Mary, you need to watch out for her”.

In this small town market, the Trial of Character can be completed in less than 10 minutes, without the accused ever knowing it happened. The more questionable the character, the longer the trial tends to last. More conversation, more gossip, more history, more damage…

I was called upon to be a character witness in such a trial this week. My experience with the accused was that she was of high integrity and this really must be a case of stupidity or ignorance or just not getting it. I was shocked to learn that when confronted she pulled the stone faced “I don’t give a damn”. Wow.

The problem with these situations is that now my impression of her is certainly called into question, I can’t really call her up and say “What????”, but I’m still hoping, that she is just stupid. Please just be stupid. Mary Rogers

Answer your phone, you'll be amazed!

I met with a business owner friend from out of town last week to help her with some business troubles. Her very established business was feeling the squeeze from discounting internet-based competitors. A secondary concern was lagging employee morale, especially her sales team.

As we casually talked over a few hours, her cell phone was vibrating and beeping and and humming away. Even though I'd told her that I didn't mind if she dealt with business, she never so much as looked at her phone. It was starting to distract me as I grew concerned about why she was so "in demand". She assured me that it was like that 24/7, in fact she encouraged her customers and staff to just text her what they needed. She found it much more efficient to respond to texts, e-mails and voice messages. Her friends, collaegues, and even CUSTOMERS knew she didn't answer her phone. This was how she preferred to do business and run her business.

WHAT??

You can connect the dots between her business troubles and her communication habits. Maybe you are not so extreme, but I wager we can all learn a lesson from my friend. Answer the damn phone! Maybe even place a call yourself to check on a client. How about walking out of your office to a colleague's and asking how they're doing????

I am as guilty as anyone, letting our technology play our gatekeeper. Be careful or you will lose your relationship. When times get tough and everybody is shopping price, your only asset may be "the relationship". That relationship is with you, not your cell phone or Inbox.

Mary Rogers
Mary@GoMarigold.com

What is a Real Woman Part 2

Last week, we began the conversation "What is a Real Woman?", I suggest that you read that post to catch up with us. Readers replied here, on Facebook and in actual human conversation. The Instigator, Brett Gourdie, publisher of  NM3 Magazine has gotten a ton of response to his article "Real Men". So Brett is coming on Mary in the Morning this Thursday, January 14 at 7:30AM to discuss Real Women and take calls (231 929-1067).

Some of the best comments have included:

A Real Woman...doesn't care what she looks like when a child is crying, understands the value in not answering an email, has worn her child's macaroni necklace in public, has decided not to scold her husband at least once, treasures a mysterious conversation with a stranger in an airport bar, has more than one swimsuit that fits, knows where her safe deposit box key is, can do her own taxes, snow blow her own driveway and in a pinch mow the lawn. She can grill a steak, open a bottle of champagne and drag an armoire across the floor using a towel.

and another...

I think that being a Real Woman, if there is such a thing, is about acknowledging the unique power of ones femininity while showing strength and confidence in one's convictions. We have more power at our manicured fingertips than we know what to do with.

and another...

Nurturing, confident, self sufficient. A real woman lets the man open the door and helps with her coat. I real woman is assertive and knows there is never a second chance for a first impression. She balances work, family and community involvement.

 The vast majority of responses included a healthy nod to confidence and respect for herself and others. A real woman is confident in her role as a woman, whatever that may mean to her, and she is ruled by self-respect. What other women may choose for themselves is none of her business and she supports their decision.

I think it is much easier to be a Real Man than a Real Woman. The lines are drawn fairly clearly on the man gig. Women have a much tougher road, with traditional vs. modern roles. Not only must we carve our own path, we may be straying from our mother's path, which was our natural model to follow.All the while feeling quite criticized and judged by others. It is a big no-win, unless you believe 100% in yourself. Unwavering belief.


As for the stories about real men being bullied by women for whom they opened a door for... if these women had more self-confidence, they would see this as a gesture of respect, would smile and say "thank you".


Tune in to Mary in the Morning (106.7FM or 105.5FM or www.1067youfm.com) Thursday, January 14 at 7:30 to hear NM3 publisher, Brett Gourdie and Mary Rogers discuss Real Men vs. Real Women. Phone lines open at 231 929-1067.


 

What is a Real Woman?

Few things can leave me speechless. Not the kind of speechless where you have no comment whatsoever, but the kind of speechless where you have heard something, want to comment or respond, but all you can muster is an jaw-dropped pie hole. I'm looking for input here, from both men and women, so stay with me on this, okay?

Brett Gourdie wrote a great piece in his mag, NM3 about real men. He writes about teaching his son to hold the door for women and he laments the demise of common courtesy and respect in our society. Gourdie then ventures out on a limb with his list of what defines a real man. I liked the list. But it made me ask myself the question, What makes a REAL WOMAN?

You would think that Mary Rogers, of all people, would have a machine gun style list of answers to this. Nada. Every phrase I came up with seemed to require a politically correct disclaimer like: A real woman can support herself, well, unless she is a stay at home mom with a husband paying the bills, which is fine, because being a mom is a full time job. Or... A real woman can change a tire, unless she just doesn't want to because she is wearing $400 Jimmy Choos and a short skirt, and she knows how to call her brother or the auto club.

I've asked several women about this question of what makes a real woman and they all found themselves doing the one step forward take back two as well. Why is this? I googled the question and found a blog with over 150 comments on the topic.

When you say "Real Man", you know what the ideal is. A manly yet sensitive guy with a good dose of integrity and red, white and blue running through his veins. What is the ideal of a Real Woman? The role of women has changed so drastically that we just don't know the baseline anymore. It has become taboo to tell a woman to want to be anything other than what she has chosen for herself. Is that good? Maybe. Is that bad? Dunno.

In polling women on the matter, a single word keeps popping up: confidence. A real woman is confident. Men and women are equally attracted to confident women. As long as confident doesn't ooze over the fine and subjective live into bitch.

Next week I will present a list of suggestions for filling in the sentence: A real woman_________. In the meantime, please comment freely, I'm confident you have an opinion!

Not a program person!

Ready to make your New Years Resolutions? Going to quit smoking? Drinking? Overspending? Undervaluing yourself? Good luck with that.

I have a friend who is a "program person". You know the type: If weight loss is her goal, she writes a check to the gym, joins the 7AM Tuesday & 6PM Thursday step classes, purchases a bunch of sleek aerodynamic workout clothes, new bouncy shoes, buys the book "Grapefruit Fasts for Every Figure" and begins her countdown. After missing the first Thursday step class, she decides the whole thing is quite useless, the grapefruits are not as tasty as she recalls and she'll wait untill next January to try again. Let's call that a $650 effort toward her goal to lose 10 pounds.

We know the same people who do this with other quests. Want a new career? Take one semi-related class, buy some career books, buy a new resume software program, get tired of the whole idea, drop the class, use the books to hold a door ajar, blah, blah, blah.

Having been raised by a self-respecting AA drop out, I did pick up at least one useful tidbit of life guidance: Take things one day at a time. This is how addicts approach quitting. Just try to quit for today. If you need to start again tomorrow, cool. I feel the same way about weight loss, career planning, physical fitness, etc... Just look at today.

Try this at the start of your day: Have a list of 5 big picture goals for the year. Let's not even call them goals, that is way too much pressure. How about "My Things"? Maybe your My Things List includes

1. Better Marriage
2. Steadily Reducing Debt
3. Job Promotion
4. Organized and Tidy Kitchen
5. Be Healthier

Print about 15 copies of this sheet. Each day, have a goal to have taken at least one step toward one thing becoming a reality. An entry next to better marriage might be something like this...Kissed him before leaving for work. Write theses things down. How simple is that? Some days you may be a super-achiever and have several entries, wow! fantastic.

Here is my point with this: If you screw up, it is only one day! Each day we make thousands of minuscule decisions that impact our big picture Things. Just try to make mostly good decisions each day. Highly structured changes don't come easy. And grapefruit just gets plain old boring!