Men in bras

In 1986, I was charged with establishing The Women's Business Council of a local chamber of commerce. As the staff member leading a group of member volunteers, it was my role to implement the member's vision of the Board of Directors directive to serve the needs of women in the business community. I was filled with a passion for celebrating modern empowered women. I came to my first meeting with the group armed with a folder full of workshop and speaker ideas on accessing capital, establishing gender-neutral employee policies, sexual harassment awareness programs, etc... All designed to provide cutting edge information and strategies to liberate us from the oppression of the patriarchal business culture. The group wanted to host a fashion show.  I wanted to cry.

"No!" I railed. I probably said something like "Over my dead body", but I can't be sure, it is a blur, a big pink blur. But I am sure that I tried something along the lines of..."Ladies, we have been given an opportunity to be taken seriously, to rise above the ranks of the secretarial pool, we must provide programming that not only serves women but sends a message to the entire community that women in business must to be taken SERIOUSLY!!!!! They stared at me. "Oh".

Keep in mind that my manila folder full of ideas was the ONLY accessory to my plain blue suit with sensible flat-heeled shoes and understated (if even existent) jewelry. We were dressing like men so that we would be treated like men. Those of us at the helm of the womens' business movement were denying our every feminine quality.

Twenty-five years later, I would host a fashion show without a second thought. In fact, Mary in the Morning and Marigold are the proud sponsors of the National Cherry Festival's Royal Pageant of Fashion . Whodathunkit? So what's changed? We can now be WOMEN instead of men in bras.

The worlds of feminism and fashion have always clashed. When I think of an over-the-top hard-core feminist I see a hairy arm-pitted woman in no make up with stringy, if not un-brushed hair. She's not prettying herself up for a man! Well, the message is she's not prettying up for ANYBODY! 

Nowadays, I'm perfectly comfortable expressing myself through fashion and beauty as a complement to what I have to contribute to a conversation. I see a fashion show as an opportunity to preview what is available in stores to help save me precious time when I need or want a new outfit. I am definitely not a fashion plate and consider myself to be fashion-challenged, so for me, a fashion show is like spell check, preventing me from making gaffes that would be potentially embarrassing to "Brand Mary".

I hope to see you at The Royal Pageant of Fashion!

Lady Campers!

Is it always such a good idea to get out of your comfort zone? When you get that "uncomfortable" feeling, isn't that a message to re-evaluate your circumstances and plan the exit strategy? Or does it mean that you are growing? Growing is supposed to be good for you I hear.

Here's the story: My family wants to go camping. Yes, camping. Outside. In the woods. I've gotten this far in life with "Just Say No".  Camping just isn't my thing, and yes I say that for all the girlie reasons that you would expect. I'm not proud.

I recently made the mistake of adding a caveat to the whole camping issue: OK, I will go, IF: We go with another family of veteran-campers who have kids and all the equipment to make it something I ATTEND not CREATE. I don't know how to camp. I'm certain that other women like myself have been initiated into camping and have figured out all the tricks to make it fun for kids and grown-up sorts.

Just like when you negotiate with God and tell him you'll never eat chocolate again if he could just make that police officer pass you on the highway and pull over the the car ahead of you, my wish has been granted and just such a family has invited us to go into the woods with them. In fact, two families have come forward. They have the equipment. My family looks at me with  raised eyebrows and they smirk at me. I am cornered. I want my chocolate back.

So lady campers... send me your secret tricks to make camping a magical family experience...please!

Rest and Win!

Ten years ago (post 9/11) the trend was Nesting. In February, I was remarking to my geeky marketing friends that I believed that an upcoming marketing trend would be Resting. My geeky friends scowled at me, thinking I had lost my trend-spotting touch. After all, our culture prizes the go-go-go lifestyle accessorized with speedy technology pushing us to heights of frenzied productivity and madness. 

I held firm. More and more research is showing that without REST, we diminish the returns from our efforts, both cerebral and physical.. Think about your weekends and vacations, restful? I'm not asking are they fun. Are they Restful? Do your body and mind ever, ever, ever get a chance to catch up. Just relax. Do you find yourself creating to-do lists while getting a massage, having sex, trying to fall asleep. Perhaps, you have forgotten how to... rest.

I had put my Rest Marketing Trend  on the upper shelf, out of my reach with a wait and see attitude, until this conversation took place:

Mary: Thank you doctor for taking my call. I'm wondering what I can do to speed up my recovery from surgery?

Doctor: Rest.

Mary: Yes, I understand, but what else? Supplements? Pharmaceuticals? CDs or tapes I can download to my iPod?  Special exercises? A class? Yeah, an expensive Get Better Faster class? I'd like to sign up for that right away!!!

Doctor: Rest and time are the only two things you need. And maybe more sleep.

Mary: Tell me, please, that you are kidding.

Doctor: Mary, all you need is rest.

Now not every one needs to recover from surgery, but I think we are all going to start getting the message from health and mental wellness folks that what we need, in order to be more of whatever we are trying to be, is, in fact, rest.

I predict that:

• You will see products launching to help us get better rest, like Zeo, your personal sleep coach. 
• You will learn strategies from the sports world about resting for winning.
• You will begin to hear more about the impact of fatigue on your body and mind.

So my message is twofold: 1) get more rest; and, 2) if you are a marketer, begin to think of how you can bring a promise of rest to your customers and clients.

Love and Business

As women will do, I was chatting with a friend about well, yes, relationships. We were talking about people marrying up or down. My friend recalled a conversation she had with her bright, successful niece about her engagement to a man that was quite frankly a total loser. The bride-to-be beamed when she spoke of how her loser fiancé made her feel special and loved like never before. The wise aunt asked her “Tell me what you love about him?” Again the bride rallied on about his understanding of her personality, his patience with her, how he adores and accepts everything about her. She had never felt so confident about herself in a relationship or even in general. She owed it all to him. Asked again, “But really, what do you love about HIM?”  The young woman cocked her head and said “I don’t get what you mean?” Yikes. Fast-forward three years, and predictably the niece had taken her now self-confident self on the road and left the loser, telling her friends that she realized she never really loved him. Double yikes. Aunt: 2 points!

So what does this have to do with business? Plenty. The employer/employee relationship is very similar to a marriage. If an employee judges their marriage with your company only by what they get from the relationship, it won’t last. However if an employee loves being a part of the company, feels pride in how the company operates, can point to specific examples of the company doing the right thing, acting with integrity and charity in the community, respecting all employees, and making smart decisions, the employee will stay with you through thick and thin.

These are the businesses that when a company-wide pay cut is needed, employees don’t gripe or curse; they work harder to save the company they love. How do you know which type of company you are?

Ask yourself:
Do departing employees typically leave for higher paying companies?
Are company parties, special occasions poorly attended?
Employees would prefer to not wear logo attire?
There are many long time employees?

Your answers should give you some insight into how lovable your company is. Surprisingly it has very little to do with compensation and more to do with integrity, smart management and caring about your staff.

My advice: People need to know that they a part of something bigger and better than themselves. Be a good company and communicate the how and why to your employees and your community. Make employees feel proud of their association with your company.

If you work for a company you love, tell us why. Maybe an employer will learn something.

Mary

The Fair Factor of a Family Business

I've bumped into one topic several times in the past few days and figure that somebody who follows this blog will benefit. "That's not fair", we all say this as kids when a sibling got some thing or privilege that we did not. Where was the equality????? As parents we do try to be fair with our kids and, for the most part, kids expect that their parents will do right by them. Hence the outrage when they experience a violation of the code.

Fast forward to real life where guess what? Life's not always fair, especially in the work place. Is that bad? Can we still cry "That's not fair!" Nowhere does this issue of fairness become a convoluded contest of contestents and judges of equality over performance than in a family owned business. A very wise working partner in a family business pointed out to me that trouble erupts when you apply the same principles of family life to a business culture. It just doesn't work. Compensation and promotion must be based on performance not the membership card to the gene pool.

Not easy to implement when you have siblings or cousins (of any age) working in the business. Just because you own equal equity does not mean equal compensation.

What to do? Three principles to guide family member/owner income from the family business:

1. Family members should share equally in business equity, especially if inherited from parents. Any draws on equity should be handled following strictly agreed to policies that are consistently applied to all family member owners.
2. Compensation (salaries, commissions, bonuses, etc...) for family and non-family should be based on the market value of the employee within your region's economy and circumstances. Inflated salaries for family members will have non-family employees stormin' for the door.
3. Family members not employed by the business should never receive benefits of employment.

These principles will serve you well in times of "That's not fair!". They will also give non-family member employees a sense of fairness. It doesn't matter if you are 8 or 48, we all want to be treated fairly, if not equally. 

What is a Real Woman Part 2

Last week, we began the conversation "What is a Real Woman?", I suggest that you read that post to catch up with us. Readers replied here, on Facebook and in actual human conversation. The Instigator, Brett Gourdie, publisher of  NM3 Magazine has gotten a ton of response to his article "Real Men". So Brett is coming on Mary in the Morning this Thursday, January 14 at 7:30AM to discuss Real Women and take calls (231 929-1067).

Some of the best comments have included:

A Real Woman...doesn't care what she looks like when a child is crying, understands the value in not answering an email, has worn her child's macaroni necklace in public, has decided not to scold her husband at least once, treasures a mysterious conversation with a stranger in an airport bar, has more than one swimsuit that fits, knows where her safe deposit box key is, can do her own taxes, snow blow her own driveway and in a pinch mow the lawn. She can grill a steak, open a bottle of champagne and drag an armoire across the floor using a towel.

and another...

I think that being a Real Woman, if there is such a thing, is about acknowledging the unique power of ones femininity while showing strength and confidence in one's convictions. We have more power at our manicured fingertips than we know what to do with.

and another...

Nurturing, confident, self sufficient. A real woman lets the man open the door and helps with her coat. I real woman is assertive and knows there is never a second chance for a first impression. She balances work, family and community involvement.

 The vast majority of responses included a healthy nod to confidence and respect for herself and others. A real woman is confident in her role as a woman, whatever that may mean to her, and she is ruled by self-respect. What other women may choose for themselves is none of her business and she supports their decision.

I think it is much easier to be a Real Man than a Real Woman. The lines are drawn fairly clearly on the man gig. Women have a much tougher road, with traditional vs. modern roles. Not only must we carve our own path, we may be straying from our mother's path, which was our natural model to follow.All the while feeling quite criticized and judged by others. It is a big no-win, unless you believe 100% in yourself. Unwavering belief.


As for the stories about real men being bullied by women for whom they opened a door for... if these women had more self-confidence, they would see this as a gesture of respect, would smile and say "thank you".


Tune in to Mary in the Morning (106.7FM or 105.5FM or www.1067youfm.com) Thursday, January 14 at 7:30 to hear NM3 publisher, Brett Gourdie and Mary Rogers discuss Real Men vs. Real Women. Phone lines open at 231 929-1067.


 

What is a Real Woman?

Few things can leave me speechless. Not the kind of speechless where you have no comment whatsoever, but the kind of speechless where you have heard something, want to comment or respond, but all you can muster is an jaw-dropped pie hole. I'm looking for input here, from both men and women, so stay with me on this, okay?

Brett Gourdie wrote a great piece in his mag, NM3 about real men. He writes about teaching his son to hold the door for women and he laments the demise of common courtesy and respect in our society. Gourdie then ventures out on a limb with his list of what defines a real man. I liked the list. But it made me ask myself the question, What makes a REAL WOMAN?

You would think that Mary Rogers, of all people, would have a machine gun style list of answers to this. Nada. Every phrase I came up with seemed to require a politically correct disclaimer like: A real woman can support herself, well, unless she is a stay at home mom with a husband paying the bills, which is fine, because being a mom is a full time job. Or... A real woman can change a tire, unless she just doesn't want to because she is wearing $400 Jimmy Choos and a short skirt, and she knows how to call her brother or the auto club.

I've asked several women about this question of what makes a real woman and they all found themselves doing the one step forward take back two as well. Why is this? I googled the question and found a blog with over 150 comments on the topic.

When you say "Real Man", you know what the ideal is. A manly yet sensitive guy with a good dose of integrity and red, white and blue running through his veins. What is the ideal of a Real Woman? The role of women has changed so drastically that we just don't know the baseline anymore. It has become taboo to tell a woman to want to be anything other than what she has chosen for herself. Is that good? Maybe. Is that bad? Dunno.

In polling women on the matter, a single word keeps popping up: confidence. A real woman is confident. Men and women are equally attracted to confident women. As long as confident doesn't ooze over the fine and subjective live into bitch.

Next week I will present a list of suggestions for filling in the sentence: A real woman_________. In the meantime, please comment freely, I'm confident you have an opinion!

Scrooge Your Career

Perhaps you have found yourself watching the movie A Christmas Carol, Scrooged, or another version of the Dickens story of personal redemption. Let's consider this story with an eye to our careers or businesses. We cannot change the past, the present is of our own making, and all that remains under our control is our future. Or does it?

I know I have seen and heard many friends with a spirit of despair when it comes to their economic future. We feel betrayed by big industry's failings, our state's poor choices, our employers for not planning for darker times. Do you feel frustrated by customers unable to afford your great product or service? Just as Ebenezer Scrooge looked to Christmas Past and Present with horror, we too can share his joy in looking to our futures. We can shake off what we can't change and change course, look to new directions, find something in yourself that was obscured to you and bring it front and center. Be bold.

Scrooge needed to learn to be generous in spirit with others. I',m going to guess that you've been doing that all along and the neglected one is.... YOU! These are times for Bold Change. Do not be discouraged by the economy we live in. Refuse to participate. Look to the new decade as your personal milestone of great change and growth, just as Scrooge does.

So where do you start with this Bold Change? Here are some questions to ask yourself:

• "What would I do with a million dollars?" You just may find that some of your ideas don't cost a million dollars at all, in fact they may cost nothing.
• "Why do I do what I do for a living?" Again you may be surprised. Is it because you are afraid or just comfortable? What is the back burner career you have dreamed of making real?
  
• "If I were to be assured that my circle of friends and family would support a change in my career/business/economic standing, what would I do differently?" When you've answered that, consider why you care so much about what other people think!

Your future is yours. Isn't that great? Don't be a captive of routine or expectation. Be bold and unafraid. Go back to school, relocate, kick your grown kids out of house, change the way you promote yourself and your business. Just do something to take charge of your future.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Life!
Your friend, Mary Rogers

Zing Train Take-away

Marigold brought Zing Train to town last week and the 150 people who took part in all or some of the day have been raving about the content shared by Stas' and Ann from Zingerman's. I think each person had a different aha moment that they wanted to share as soon as they got back to their own business.

Mine was this: Customer service isn't just for customers. Customer service extends to employees, co-workers, vendors and yes, even competitors. How we treat other people and organizations contributes to our brand and reputation in the community.

If a co-worker is being crabby, instead of blowing them off or complaining about their bad attitude, maybe an offer of help would break their bad-day cycle.

• To the receptionist about to explode: "Looks like some one really teed you off, can I answer phones for you for 5 minutes so you can take a break?".
• To the vendor or supplier sounding overwhelmed by your order: "I know you guys are crazy right now, want me to call you back in an hour?"
• To your business partner who can't focus on your conversation: "I can see you have something important going on that's distracting you, should we shelve this project for a few days?'

In each of these cases we could legitimately complain that the other person was not being "professional" or whatever other derogatory term you choose. But haven't we all been there, when a kind word of understanding without a bunch of questions would have been sooo appreciated.

Unless this is a chronic situation, being helpful in their "moment" creates such a better environment for everybody.

Mary

Perspective in a waiting room

Not that I’m recommending this, but spending an afternoon in the Michigan Department of Human Service’s waiting room can certainly change your perspective. This is where people in need make their first contact for state aid.

My visit was for registry clearance (a background check) for service on a board of directors. The folks around me, not so fortunate. I struck up a conversation with a well-dressed woman a few years younger than me sitting in the next chair. I had assumed that the reason for her visit was something similar to my own. Not even close.

This woman, had spent her adult life married to a wonderful man since graduating from high school together. She hadn’t gone to college because they had planned for her to be a stay at home mom. Her goal in life, to be the perfect wife and mother. Beautiful children are born, a starter house becomes a larger home, vacations every year, life is easy, life is good. All going according to plan.

When her wonderful husband suddenly and unexpectedly died 2 months ago she discovered some things. No savings, no life insurance, no retirement fund, no equity in the beautiful home and lots and lots of debt. She received her husband’s final pay check, including untaken sick days and nothing more. Health insurance could be made available to her, short-term, at an astronomical price. She was at the DHS office trying to establish Medicaid for herself and her school-age children. As we continued talking, she filled me in on her current state: she had a temperature of 103, having been diagnosed the day before with double ear infections ( one ear drum had ruptured) at Urgent Care where they gave her a prescription which the pharmacist filled and then asked for $800.

Her saga continued, and you can only imagine the pile of hard reality at her feet. Bottom line: She said all she really wanted to do was lay down on the dirty floor and cry herself to sleep and wake up with the nightmare behind her. She knows that she needs to go to college and get training, but hasn’t figured out how to pay for it, much less pay for groceries to feed her family. In her wildest dreams, she never thought this hell would be her own life.

There are so many life lessons in this tale, and they are so blaringly obvious, I won’t even list them here. Sigh.

Lesson Learned on the 3rd of July

With the nation's birthday falling on a Saturday this year, many of us were given Friday as a paid holiday. This was an inspiration to me. The 3-day weekend is a most glorious gift during a northern Michigan summer. Was it the glorious weather? Was it that the kids still had camp, making it a grown-up holiday? Whatever the source of the magic, I'm sold!

Instead of taking two week long vacations, I'm rearranging my schedule to take several summer Fridays off. I live here for the summers, so why not maximize the time spent enjoying it. Think about it!

Here are some options to 3 day weekends:

• If you are the boss, well, just do it!
• If you HAVE a boss, ask if you can squeeze an extra 8 hours into the first four days of the week. Just for 6 weeks of summer.
• Request a special project that you do off the clock in exchange for Fridays off.
• Offer to work 5 or 6 Saturdays or Sundays in the fall/winter.
  
• Take a week of vacation and make it 5 Fridays between now and Labor Day.
• Start complaining of mysterious symptoms of ill health around 3pm on Thursday afternoons. I think you get the idea. With any luck your co-workers will not recognize a pattern. Maybe space it out every 2 weeks.
• With fewer of us getting raises in this economy, negotiate summer Fridays off as compensation for your work.

Enjoy!

When I grow up...

Do you remember certain milestones of growing up?

• Riding the school bus
• Getting your ears pierced
  
• Wearing pantyhose
• Driving a car alone
• Preparing your first tax return
• First day at college
  
• First NSF notice from the bank
• Getting married
• Giving birth
• Death of a friend
• Buying real estate
• Getting divorced
• Earning more per year than your age X 1,000
• Death of a parent
• Death of another parent

After a certain age, (for some, this is in your 30s, for some your 60s!) the milestones of growing up seem to be more a matter of changing your perspective and giving yourself permission to change.

• Completely changing the course of your life, by choice
• Ending bad relationships
• Not giving a hoot about what other people think about you
• No longer trying to control everything
• Comfortable with giving Plan B a chance

Interestingly, these later developments of growing up, seem to come in an instant of clarity, not over years. It is like leaping over a bridge. Once you are on that far side, you look back at your old self and give a big sigh of relief. This is, in my opinion, when you know you have truly grown up.

FAQ - The Purchase of Marigold by YOU-FM

Questions for Mary about the sale of Marigold to 1067YOU-FM

Q: Does this mean that the new Marigold Director, Karyn Hertel, will be taking over Mary in the Morning?
A: Well, then it would be Karyn in the Morning and they would have to re-do even more logos. So, no, I think I'll keep doing that. But you can definitely expect Karyn to join us in the studio to keep listeners up to speed on all of the great opportunities for women with Marigold.

Q: What are you going to do now?
A: Are you kidding? I'm still doing the morning show, waking up at 4:30AM each day. This transition means a 40 hour week instead of a 90 hour week. As I recall, I have a husband and children I'd like to meet up with. I will still be at the podium at every Marigold event, selecting our speakers and providing the vision for Marigold.

Q: Is there going to be a party?
A: YES! It is in the works, and you will be the first to know the details.

Q: How will things change for Marigold Women in Business?
A: As a Marigold subscriber, you will have many new ways to market your business and yourself. Look for new ways to contribute content to GoMarigold.com. We are expanding the range of sponsorships to offer lower priced options for smaller businesses. You will also have greater opportunities to network with women outside of the Traverse City market.