Is there anything new to say about Work/Family Balance?

The very worst guest on Mary in the Morning is the "expert" that points out a very serious issue and then spends the next 15 minutes of valuable airtime saying exactly that, over and over and over. This issue is SOO important. No innovative solution, no 3 step plan to make things better. Just a reiteration of why the topic is so important and even more annoyingly, how important it is that you resolve this issue... or else here's the bad news: (fill in the blank). BUT NO ANSWERS WE CAN USE.

Whenever I hear from a publicist about an author who has tackled the Work vs. Family Balance issue, I ask to see the book before agreeing to the booking. I have yet to read anything new on the topic. There are some guiding principles that we are all familiar with:

1. Learn to say no
2. Delegate at home and work
3. Demand support for your career from family members
4. Work for a company that supports family-friendly policies
5. Approach your career phases as seasons, relating to the demands of your family over a period of time

Beyond these basics, I have yet to hear anything ground-breaking or even interesting on the topic. I just crave my Calgon Take Me Away moment when I consider the issue. I just read an e-mail from a listener who would like more conversation on the Mary in the Morning show about family/work balance. She is hopeful that other listeners will have great ideas that they could share with each other. Have I become cynical and skeptical? I predict a morning of dead air.

This is a challenge for every woman I know and I have come to believe that there exists a unique approach for every woman. No one-size-fits-all answer. Some of us get it and some of us spend way too much of our time feeling inadequate and a disappointment to others.

Our mothers blazed the trail for us, gaining entry to many career fields that were closed to us. They told us we could be anything we wanted and we did it! But we haven't figured out how our families are going function if we aren't there. Carol the Corporate Wonder thinks that her 11 year-old daughter will be so proud of Mom for being the first woman in her company to be promoted to Regional Manager, but in reality, she'd prefer you be home after school to help make banners for swim team. Women go around and around in their minds, trying to remember what is really important and what is not. How much are they willing to sacrifice for their families, how much for their careers? Would your husband's give up your $45,000 salary in exchange for a more relaxed life partner?

Do you have ideas to share? Let's start the conversation here and see where it goes...

Workaholic or job-lover?

In the past 10 days, I have noticed a barrage of opinions coming my way on the issue of women's relationships with their careers. Authors I have interviewed for the show, magazine articles I've read for leisure, conversations with friends and in turn my own self-reflecting thoughts have turned to the question: What is the difference between:

1. a successful woman joyously obsessed with passion for her work, and;
2. a woman hiding from her emotions and intimate relationships by becoming unavailable through the demands of her job and in the meantime, becoming quite successful

Keeping in mind that women, by nature, are the guardians of relationships, have family relationships suffered because our attention is at the very least distracted, and at the most, completely elsewhere. According to Mary in the Morning guest Carla Wills-Brandon, author of Beyond the Chase, Breaking Your Obsessions That Sabotage True Intimacy, this is a rather new matter for family therapists. Workaholism has been the man's domain. Until now. Women who feel underappreciated at home can now garner the "Atta Girls" at work. And if they set their minds to it, get promotions and raises and awards. Nobody seemed to notice the folded laundry or clean wood floors much. But this, well this job thing, is fabulous! Her book highlights the various OCD behaviors we hide behind in order to avoid our emotions and intimate relationships.

In MORE Magazine's October issue, Amanda Robb interviews Mika Brzezinski, co-anchor of MSNBCs Morning Joe. Mika B was ready to chuck her career after falling down a flight of stairs, distracted by the adrenaline of her fast-paced career with her infant in her arms. After 8 hours, a medical team concluded that the most serious of the injuries to her daughter was a broken femur. Child protective services investigated and she was ready to accept the handcuffs and be thrown in the slammer. She also wanted to quit her job and stay home. She couldn't bear the guilt. CPS closed the case.

Mika opened a new chapter. Instead of staying home, she accepted the fact that she needed more help to maintain the career she loves. She says straight out that her career comes first right now. More nannies, more of Dad's time, less Mom. She is uncomfortable at times, but has had to fashion a life around her career, because she just loves her career. Her husband is very supportive of this lifestyle decision. Wow. I don't think I've ever met a mother willing to say "My career comes first". I've seen it, just never heard it.

Another voice, Stephanie Rockey, author of Ladies Listen Up! tells Mary in the Morning listeners that if they want to have a remarkably intimate and emotional relationship with their man, that when they come home from their powerful jobs in the business world, their first task should be to go change their clothes into something feminine for your man so he will see you as a woman and you can enjoy the connection between you as a man and a woman. That's enough to make some us very uncomfortable.

Even after almost 40 years of feminism, we still don't have this figured out. Have our relationships suffered because of our careers? Of course they have. Have our careers suffered because of our relationships? Again, of course they have. How many post-feminism generations will it take before we come to terms with what we've created. Not to mention the poor guys who live in the minefield of attitudes toward the modern woman. We expected men to adjust immediately when we ourselves still bumble through the mess of work and family.

Do you keep demanding of yourself to do a better job balancing it all? Do you criticize your inability to juggle it all? Feel guilty about loving your work more than your family responsibilities?

I remember my critical thought of Sarah Palin's campaign in light of the fact that she had an infant child with special needs. I questioned her priorities. None of my beeswax.

Sorry ladies, I have no answers to this. I do wonder what example we are showing our sons and daughters. Good? Bad? Clueless. Women over 40 are the petri dish occupants of this experiment. You've come a long way Baby! Yeah, thanks. Does anybody have a user's manual?