Is there anything new to say about Work/Family Balance?

The very worst guest on Mary in the Morning is the "expert" that points out a very serious issue and then spends the next 15 minutes of valuable airtime saying exactly that, over and over and over. This issue is SOO important. No innovative solution, no 3 step plan to make things better. Just a reiteration of why the topic is so important and even more annoyingly, how important it is that you resolve this issue... or else here's the bad news: (fill in the blank). BUT NO ANSWERS WE CAN USE.

Whenever I hear from a publicist about an author who has tackled the Work vs. Family Balance issue, I ask to see the book before agreeing to the booking. I have yet to read anything new on the topic. There are some guiding principles that we are all familiar with:

1. Learn to say no
2. Delegate at home and work
3. Demand support for your career from family members
4. Work for a company that supports family-friendly policies
5. Approach your career phases as seasons, relating to the demands of your family over a period of time

Beyond these basics, I have yet to hear anything ground-breaking or even interesting on the topic. I just crave my Calgon Take Me Away moment when I consider the issue. I just read an e-mail from a listener who would like more conversation on the Mary in the Morning show about family/work balance. She is hopeful that other listeners will have great ideas that they could share with each other. Have I become cynical and skeptical? I predict a morning of dead air.

This is a challenge for every woman I know and I have come to believe that there exists a unique approach for every woman. No one-size-fits-all answer. Some of us get it and some of us spend way too much of our time feeling inadequate and a disappointment to others.

Our mothers blazed the trail for us, gaining entry to many career fields that were closed to us. They told us we could be anything we wanted and we did it! But we haven't figured out how our families are going function if we aren't there. Carol the Corporate Wonder thinks that her 11 year-old daughter will be so proud of Mom for being the first woman in her company to be promoted to Regional Manager, but in reality, she'd prefer you be home after school to help make banners for swim team. Women go around and around in their minds, trying to remember what is really important and what is not. How much are they willing to sacrifice for their families, how much for their careers? Would your husband's give up your $45,000 salary in exchange for a more relaxed life partner?

Do you have ideas to share? Let's start the conversation here and see where it goes...

Scrooge Your Career

Perhaps you have found yourself watching the movie A Christmas Carol, Scrooged, or another version of the Dickens story of personal redemption. Let's consider this story with an eye to our careers or businesses. We cannot change the past, the present is of our own making, and all that remains under our control is our future. Or does it?

I know I have seen and heard many friends with a spirit of despair when it comes to their economic future. We feel betrayed by big industry's failings, our state's poor choices, our employers for not planning for darker times. Do you feel frustrated by customers unable to afford your great product or service? Just as Ebenezer Scrooge looked to Christmas Past and Present with horror, we too can share his joy in looking to our futures. We can shake off what we can't change and change course, look to new directions, find something in yourself that was obscured to you and bring it front and center. Be bold.

Scrooge needed to learn to be generous in spirit with others. I',m going to guess that you've been doing that all along and the neglected one is.... YOU! These are times for Bold Change. Do not be discouraged by the economy we live in. Refuse to participate. Look to the new decade as your personal milestone of great change and growth, just as Scrooge does.

So where do you start with this Bold Change? Here are some questions to ask yourself:

• "What would I do with a million dollars?" You just may find that some of your ideas don't cost a million dollars at all, in fact they may cost nothing.
• "Why do I do what I do for a living?" Again you may be surprised. Is it because you are afraid or just comfortable? What is the back burner career you have dreamed of making real?
  
• "If I were to be assured that my circle of friends and family would support a change in my career/business/economic standing, what would I do differently?" When you've answered that, consider why you care so much about what other people think!

Your future is yours. Isn't that great? Don't be a captive of routine or expectation. Be bold and unafraid. Go back to school, relocate, kick your grown kids out of house, change the way you promote yourself and your business. Just do something to take charge of your future.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Life!
Your friend, Mary Rogers

My NOT to do list

Does your To Do List haunt you? Are there single items on your list that never go away? Maybe you don't even write it down anymore, you know it is there, sticking its tongue out at you.

My home office is a complete disaster area. It also serves as my closet, junk room and bio-hazard waste collection facility. I am not proud of this. I keep the door shut. I redeem myself by saying that it is on the top of my To Do List. The actual task on the list reads something like "Redo office". In my mind's eye I convert it into the perfect multi-functioning work space for me and my stuff, decorated by a professional designer with built in closets, a fabulous and spartan desk, the breeze making it's way through the sheer curtains billowing behind me as I prep for work or pay my bills. Is that lavender in the air?

I'm taking this off my To Do List. I beat myself up everyday about this complete and utter failure of mine. Instead, I am writing "Clean My Room" on my To Do List and "Renovate/redecorate/transform home office" now moves to the tippy top of my Not To Do List. I just can't take the pressure. We need to be realistic.

Would you feel relieved by taking one or two items off your To Do List? Are you really going to get to them anytime before the paper the list is on begins decomposing? Maybe you have a project at work that you want to get to when things slow down. Ha! Take it off the Good Girl To Do List and plant it where it belongs: the Not To Do List. Maybe you would be more comfortable with my Not To Do NOW List or perhaps my To Do Later List?

I'm looking at it this way, I have eliminated a distraction from getting my more important things done. We will all be more productive if we stay free of the quicksand of unrealistic chore lists.

Please feel free to use some of my Not To Do List items:

1. Organize an end of year class party for my daughter
2. Write a book this year
3. Organize all family photos and mementos into beautiful scrapbooks
4. Create a mission statement
5. Handwrite and send at least 10 thank you notes each week
6. Call distant relatives just to check in
7. Become a vegetarian
8. Become an athletic woman
9. Face up to the junk under my bed.
10. Run for political office
11. There's more, of course, but I have things that I DO have to do.