Chick in Charge of Money

A Chick in Charge of her money. Let that sit with you for a moment and try to visualize her... from her hair to her shoes... her home, her income, her investments. My first question for you is this: Do you like her? Are you envious? Inspired?

If you are picturing a wealthy well-dressed Jane meeting with her broker in a corner office, I now feel completely inadequate. But, if you are seeing Linda, sitting at her kitchen table surrounded by bills and checkbooks, a woman who is having to make hard choices about her spending, now we are in a reality we can all appreciate.

My idea of a chick in charge of her money has a very clear understanding of her priorities and her budget reflects those. She knows that she never wants to rely upon her kids in old age, so she fully invests in her 401k. The tough part is that Linda cannot do that and save for her kids college expenses. She might feel completely lousy as a parent for this, but she has a reason to stick to her plan. If she were completely focused on making more money for the college fund she would be working longer hours and not be able to actually BE with her kids while they are growing up. She also funds a family vacation each year. That money could go to the college fund, but then her kids would never have seen the Grand Canyon or gone to Washington D.C.

She is OK with the plan because it is a plan, not a failure to plan.

For those without the kid factor, the tough choice might be to go on a weekend trips or to fancy restaurants with "better funded friends" instead of sticking to a debt payment plan. The point is this: If you haven't come to terms with what is really important to you, you find yourself making bad in-the-moment emotional decisions about money.

Think about your home. Are you in a big house with big maintenance bills just because you grew up in a house like that and think it is the proof of your success? Is travel more important to you but now out of reach because of your house obligations? Maybe, just maybe, a far less expensive apartment could give you the freedom to travel? Would you be embarrassed to say that you don't own a big home on a nice street?

Do you continue to invest in a business that has become a complete drain on your bank account and spirit but can't stomach the idea of throwing in the towel?

Let me say that I don't have my finances all tied up in a pretty bow, not by any means. I struggle with impulsive behavior all the time. But I am working on being less emotional about my money.

I was interviewing a master gardener for the show and he contrasted American and Japenese home gardens. In America, we plant our most beautiful flowers right up against the front of our houses. A Japanese woman would find this to be crazy, she can't see them from her kitchen window. She plants her most prized flowers AWAY from the house so that SHE can enjoy them best, not her neighbors or strangers driving by. Hmmm... Are you making financial decisions to impress or please others, or are you creating a life picture that you prize?

That is a Chick in Charge of her money.

What is a Chick in Charge? Part 2

As I put forth in my previous post, I consider a Chick in Charge to be a woman who takes personal responsibility for her entire life.

"But that's not fair!" you may feel. "There are other forces in charge of my boat!". Here's what I say to that: Only if you put them there. You can't always be in control of every aspect of your life, of course not. But when you grant that control to other people or institutions, you should do it with what I call Reasoned Grace.

For instance, perhaps you can't put 100% effort into advancing your career right now because you have 3 children who need daily bathing, a husband who you adore making dinner for, and a German Shepard that likes to sit on your feet while you watch Two and a Half Men on Monday nights instead of attending City Commission meetings. The problem is when you start complaining about watching Jane at the office get promoted past you because you are a mom. If being home, really home, after 5:30 is your reward at the end of the day, hooray for you!

If you've made a decision with Reasoned Grace, you accept responsibility for the consequences of YOUR DECISION to have different priorities. A Chick in Charge makes deliberate choices and decisions about her life and doesn't feel the need complain or explain because the only place to go is the bathroom mirror. She gives herself the power to frame AND responsibility for her lot in life.

This is not easy. Women who achieve this have a crystal clear sense of their core values. You lose your confidence when those values become murky. What is really important to you right now? This is why transitions in women's lives are so tough. In one decade, your children are first on your list, a few decades later your aging parents make an appearance at the top. Where did my yoga go????

Your Chick in Charginess is reflected primarily in two ways that you can measure: money and time. Where do you spend your money? Where do you spend your time? If you have a clear sense of priorities, decisons of time and money become so much easier!

Next week we will explore Chicks in Charge of their money...

What Is a Chick in Charge? Part 1

Are you a chick in charge? Do you know one? I started the Chick in Charge
brand message a few years ago and found that the words made some people just downright uncomfortable while others flocked to buy any merchandise I
created. I am fascinated by the various interpretations of this little 3 word phrase. Some assume that it is meant for female bosses or business owners. I've been told by a few men that it simply warns them of a *itch in their midst.

To my senses, here is what defines a Chick in Charge: A woman who makes the most of her personal assets, understand and battles her flaws and never puts her head in the sand. She is in charge of....... herself. What does that mean? She takes personal responsibility for her entire life.

So what does it really mean to take personal responsibility? Think about the women who strike you as Chicks in Charge. She is her own source of power, her own source of happiness, she responds to her circumstances not reacts. I have always marveled at women who have been victimized and somehow seem to overcome all odds and move on. Or the minority youth, raised in poverty, rises above society's expectations and graduates from Yale. These are women who refuse to live a lesser life than the one they dream of. Nobody is going to dictate the boundaries of their potential.

At the other extreme, are women who have been given every advantage in terms of heritage, financial support, education and opportunity who have manufactured their own boundaries: living to meet others expectation instead of their own, buying into put-downs, following a parents dream instead of their own, accepting her culture's diminished view of a lifestyle, finding comfort in a blanket of fear and lack of confidence. These are definitely
NOT Chicks in Charge.

Realistically, we each have a toe in both profiles. Do you get that intuitive gut feeling when you are not being true to yourself? Do you negotiate with yourself? I'd love to hear your comment! E-mail me: mary@goMarigold.com and let me know if I can share your thoughts in a future article. More on this next week....