I just loved the comment made by Anonymous to last week's blog post about women and equality in the workplace. It deserves a post all its own!
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The timing for this topic is amazing to me. Last night I finally arrived home from my daughter's swim meet at 10:30pm. (I drive her to school every morning at 7:15am and then go to work.) My husband had been home for at least 2+ hours having left the meet early to go home and walk the dog. He never thought to take care of the dishes or help with laundry and doesn't understand why I'm so stressed to arrive home to a messy house and then I can't sleep with so much left to do in the house. Why am I not ready for romance when I enter the house? No my man does not contribute to the housework enough at all. Thanks for letting me vent.
- Dear Anonymous:
- I feel for you. We all feel for you. We've been in your tight pumps with our screaming swollen
feet at the end of the day, only to find more to do when we walk in the door. And there sits the family on the couch eating chips from bags you bought, leaving crumbs on the carpet which you will vacuum, unless they get scarfed up by the dog who you feed, bath, and take to the vet 6 times a year. The kitchen sink is filled with dishes of a meal you made the night before for your family, crusted baking dishes that "need to soak". The dishwasher is filled with the clean dishes you ran that morning because nobody knows "where they go". Laundry, you say? I won't even go there.
Your friend,
Mary Rogers
7 comments:
I am happy to hear that I am NOT the only woman out there with these issues! My family had me believing that I must be bipolar, which of course I am not!!
I, too, would love to rant. I am a consultant for a direct sales company, so I work from home. Yep - you're right. My family knows that since I don't "go to work" and that I am home all day, I should get everything done in the house, dinner on the table before I leave to go do a show, have the laundry folded and put away, and be able to run kids - AND grandkids from here to there without a problem. Oh, and while I'm at it, I'd better not miss any of the 10 grandkids games, fund raisers, practices etc. for fear of being accused of favoritism.
But you know what? It's our own fault. We as women have been far too lenient on the old saying "state what you expect, and expect what you state". You teach people how to treat you, and that includes family.
Sounds like it's time for a good old fashion STRIKE!!!!!
Maybe when they see all that we do, not get done, they'll be more willing to pitch in.
And What are we REALLY teaching our children? If we allow it, then we are just perpetuating the myth of equal division of labor.
When was the last time your son did laundry, and your daughter cut the grass???
I was hoping that someone would say that! For crying out loud: Say-IT,Mean-IT & Do-IT. First step is to keep your eye on the prize and hold true to your expectations. But Many women cannot follow through with it-we have found. The reasons are many: Join us on FB at Walden Counseling-Build your toolbox with the ideas we give you! Stop perpetuating the Poor-Me saga and follow through with your wishes and expectations! You certainly deserve it.
thewaldencouselingcenter@gmail.com
Okay, I have maybe a "dumb" question. Why do they need to be WILLING to pitch in? This is their life, too. Start using the word "responsible". It is their responsibility to clean up their own messes, etc. etc. I see no reason why "willing" is relevant to this discussion. I'm not WILLING to do everything, either. So, maybe it's time we teach everyone in the family some responsibility. Willingness be damned!
This situation isn't really anybody's fault. It's everybody's fault. Our society has unrealistic ideas of what constitutes "clean", and we also have unrealistic ideas of what parents/wives/husbands/children/grandparents/grandchildren should be doing. And we all subscribe to those destructive ideas.
Why not "let" each of the family members do their own laundry? Don't cook for anyone but yourself unless someone else has cleaned up the stuff from the night before. Assign someone to clean up. Leave their trash around until they pick it up. Now of course, if they clean up the kitchen or bathroom, don't complain about how they did it. If it requires some adjustment, find a way to tactfully let them know how it should be done, but be accepting of an acceptable job. Realize that not everyone cares as much about this or that as you do. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Let the family make mistakes. Is mowing the lawn all THAT important? Will it hurt the kids to have the same sheets on their beds for more than a week? Is clothing really dirty after you've worn it for one day, to the office? Who cares what the neighbors think? Who are they, anyway?
If Suzy and Johnny aren't on 3 sports teams, in the NHS, play 2 musical instruments, volunteer at the nursing home, and take advanced placement classes, we're worried that they may not get in to Harvard, or U of M, or wherever. So what?! Johnny and Suzy will probably turn out fine, even if they're left to their own devices a good bit of the time.
I've been in Anonymous's place. I like to think I'm in a better place now. I was thankful when my daughter stopped playing high school sports; frankly I'm not interested in watching basketball. I'm glad my son quit early on. If I want someone to do something, I ask/tell them to do it. My house is dusty, sandy, full of cobwebs, the sheets haven't been changed lately, there are leaves all over the front porch, the grass hasn't been cut for weeks, there's trash piling up. BUT, I'm doing things that satisfy me. If I want to socialize with my friends, we go out somewhere, or to their house. I am a bit sensitive about how my house is, but I refuse to be a slave to it. A rant/vent is a very good thing every now and then. Then, we need to get on with OUR lives.
Hi, I feel y'all's pain. I too, occassionally get annoyed if my husband seems to want to get frisky when the list of to-do's is a mile long (and he's not on it!). However, I'm really fortunate to be married to a guy who cooks (a lot) and cleans (a fair bit)--okay, so he never dusts and rarely puts the laundry AWAY after folding it-- but he definitely does his share of chores and childrearing. We run a business together, which might help us both maintain a realistic perspective on the ENTIRE workload and who is doing what--including housework.
We are in the 30 something age group and have been married for 10 years. Though I think domestic work is often a struggle in equality, I think there are more men especially in the Gen X/ Gen Y crowd taking responsibility for 'home-work'.
We are also raising two boys...I hope they will be able to enjoy the fruits of fulfilling jobs AND fullfilling homelife, including taking pride in cooking a great meal, keeping a clean house and/or a bountiful garden.
I don't agree with all of what Anonymous 2 said -- if you are in a household/family you should be doing things together including having meals and sharing chores together. I don't mind doing things for my family and others--- that's how I will get to heaven, by helping others. BUT when I'm not around, it would be nice for another family member to notice and contribute. It gets frustrating when I seem like the only one who cares or is thoughtful.
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