Few things can leave me speechless. Not the kind of speechless where you have no comment whatsoever, but the kind of speechless where you have heard something, want to comment or respond, but all you can muster is an jaw-dropped pie hole. I'm looking for input here, from both men and women, so stay with me on this, okay?Brett Gourdie wrote a great piece in his mag, NM3 about real men. He writes about teaching his son to hold the door for women and he laments the demise of common courtesy and respect in our society. Gourdie then ventures out on a limb with his list of what defines a real man. I liked the list. But it made me ask myself the question, What makes a REAL WOMAN?
You would think that Mary Rogers, of all people, would have a machine gun style list of answers to this. Nada. Every phrase I came up with seemed to require a politically correct disclaimer like: A real woman can support herself, well, unless she is a stay at home mom with a husband paying the bills, which is fine, because being a mom is a full time job. Or... A real woman can change a tire, unless she just doesn't want to because she is wearing $400 Jimmy Choos and a short skirt, and she knows how to call her brother or the auto club.
I've asked several women about this question of what makes a real woman and they all found themselves doing the one step forward take back two as well. Why is this? I googled the question and found a blog with over 150 comments on the topic.
When you say "Real Man", you know what the ideal is. A manly yet sensitive guy with a good dose of integrity and red, white and blue running through his veins. What is the ideal of a Real Woman? The role of women has changed so drastically that we just don't know the baseline anymore. It has become taboo to tell a woman to want to be anything other than what she has chosen for herself. Is that good? Maybe. Is that bad? Dunno.
In polling women on the matter, a single word keeps popping up: confidence. A real woman is confident. Men and women are equally attracted to confident women. As long as confident doesn't ooze over the fine and subjective live into bitch.
Next week I will present a list of suggestions for filling in the sentence: A real woman_________. In the meantime, please comment freely, I'm confident you have an opinion!
4 comments:
Here are some more words and phrases:
-Comfortable in your own skin
-Gracious
-Able to adapt to changing situations
-Thoughtful
-Willing to accept that being a woman means playing many varied roles, some of which you will be better at than others.
...eat chocolate
...burp - then say "excuse me"
...can keep a secret
...accept other women's definition of what a real woman is (support each other - real women do!)
...can admit when they need help (yikes-tough one)
...
A real woman is one who in any given situation is true to herself. We are not a stereotype. A woman in 2010 can be and is many things to many people. It is understanding that, and being the best you can be, for yourself and others, that makes a "real" woman.
Is unwaveringly empathetic but does not coddle, enable or self-sacrifice.
Confidently looks eye-to-eye without bluster or exaggeration.
Listens first.
Embraces her emotions without apology.
Is well kempt, hygenic, and maintains good posture.
Is positive, supportive, and considerate.
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