Not that I’m recommending this, but spending an afternoon in the Michigan Department of Human Service’s waiting room can certainly change your perspective. This is where people in need make their first contact for state aid.
My visit was for registry clearance (a background check) for service on a board of directors. The folks around me, not so fortunate. I struck up a conversation with a well-dressed woman a few years younger than me sitting in the next chair. I had assumed that the reason for her visit was something similar to my own. Not even close.
This woman, had spent her adult life married to a wonderful man since graduating from high school together. She hadn’t gone to college because they had planned for her to be a stay at home mom. Her goal in life, to be the perfect wife and mother. Beautiful children are born, a starter house becomes a larger home, vacations every year, life is easy, life is good. All going according to plan.
When her wonderful husband suddenly and unexpectedly died 2 months ago she discovered some things. No savings, no life insurance, no retirement fund, no equity in the beautiful home and lots and lots of debt. She received her husband’s final pay check, including untaken sick days and nothing more. Health insurance could be made available to her, short-term, at an astronomical price. She was at the DHS office trying to establish Medicaid for herself and her school-age children. As we continued talking, she filled me in on her current state: she had a temperature of 103, having been diagnosed the day before with double ear infections ( one ear drum had ruptured) at Urgent Care where they gave her a prescription which the pharmacist filled and then asked for $800.
Her saga continued, and you can only imagine the pile of hard reality at her feet. Bottom line: She said all she really wanted to do was lay down on the dirty floor and cry herself to sleep and wake up with the nightmare behind her. She knows that she needs to go to college and get training, but hasn’t figured out how to pay for it, much less pay for groceries to feed her family. In her wildest dreams, she never thought this hell would be her own life.
There are so many life lessons in this tale, and they are so blaringly obvious, I won’t even list them here. Sigh.
10 comments:
Mary, an amazingly sad tale! And you know there are hundreds and thousands like her here in our community, in Michigan and beyond. For me the lessons are: count your blessings; know your household finances and be in a position to support yourself if your spouse dies; and when you are able to do the first two give something back to someone like that woman in the DHS waiting room...
Unfortunately, this story is becoming more and more common. The sad part is, not all the women in the waiting room have lost a husband. I volunteer at several of the places that help people - i.e. Salvation Army, and Father Fred, and more and more I see families who even a year ago were middle class families, living the American dream, and now they are standing in food lines, hoping to feed their families this week. These are not people who have used and abused "the system" for years. They are hardworking parents, scared to death for their kids. The most common comment I hear is "...I never thought I'd be in this position." It has been a very humbling experience for many of them. And it has also given them a new perspective on who "those people" are that come for help, because they have become one.
Wow, Mary, well written blog and summary of life at its worst. I'm so sorry for that woman and I hope she gets help but I doubt that it will be easy for her to get help. This really struck home for me to get our things in order so that never happens to us/me. Thanks for sharing.
Mary, Thanks for sharing her story. It's a reminder to be grateful for all that my family does have. My heart goes out to her, her family and the many other families in similiar situations. Hopefully hearing her story will help others realize how important it is for all of us to support state and local funding for social services. It could be any of us.
Mary, Thanks for sharing. This is very dishearting. I myself was doing fine until my spouse decided he wasn't happy, packed his things and left me w/ all the bills. I am having trouble gettng the bank to work w/ me on the 2 mortgages and I have $1.50 in my account! I am fearful, I will be joining this lady as well as everything I have worked so hard for is spinning out of control and going down the tubes! Yes, I am thankful for still having a job and my health and we all need to put it all in prospective. Please continue to support our local funding for services and churches. And yes, it can be any of us. Remember to be kind and nonjudgmental, it can be any of us......
Such a very sad story! And unfortunatly there are so many women in such a situation. An easy read that I recomend to all my girlfriends is David Bach "Smart Women Finish Rich" We as women in a relationship must make the effort to know what the future holds for us... We cannot afford to take it for granted that it will be happily ever after...
So, what is happening to her now? It's one thing to bring this story to us initially, but are you going to follow her story, put her in contact with those who can help, help her directly through Marigold? Please let us know your intentions and how we may help.
Hi Mary:
A more frequent story of our times, wether due to death or divorce, loss of spouse. This firmly supports when we plan to have children, we need to think about what we will do in the situation of suddenly being a single parent, when our dream of being a stay at home mom doesn't work out. Also make sure you do know what future financial planning you have as a family, know your insurance protection and know your savings and investment plan, don't leave it up to one parent/spouse to plan.
Mary - this is your best blog yet. It brings to light what so many are unaware of. We all need to be reminded sometimes to be thankful for the blessings we have and give a helping hand if we are more fortunate than others.
This is a very sad story, but get ready for a whole lot more to come. Perhaps some that have commented here will be the next to face this situation. When, and if, the Federal Reserve monetizes the huge debt that the Bush/Obama bailouts and stimuli are accumulating, our dollars will be worth nothing. We will have the same kind of hyperinflation that Zimbabwe has been experiencing.
Dr. Ron Paul has warned that if we attack Iran, China may dump the dollars that she is holding, and that could very well spell the end of our dollar. Things will get worse before they ever get better.
These problems are not the result of free markets, but of government manipulation in those markets. Since politicians live off the bribes of Big Banking, and Big Corporations; they pass laws that favor them at the expense of "the little guy." That would be you and I.
We need to end the fascism that has been going on in Washington D.C. for the past nearly 100 years; get out of debt as much as possible, and stay out of debt; learn to be self-sufficient, as much as possible; and find ways to feed your family and your neighbors on less. This last suggestion is one of the most important, if you want to stay safe AND be known for your generousity. When people get hungry they get desperate. If your neighbors know that you have a bowl of soup for them, they'll help to keep your family safe - and they'll share what they have with you. It's about community.
When most of us were young, we believed in our local communities. Now, everyone looks to D.C. and Lansing for answers. The truth is that they are the problem. We are the solution.
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