Have you ever had a client, colleague or co-worker do something to you that was so nasty, unethical, under-handed, sneaky, dishonest, etc… that you had to stop for a moment and think to yourself “Is she just stupid or is she doing this on purpose?”.
My experience is that these moments first prompt head-shaking shock, you say “WHAT?”, as if you can’t comprehend what the person is doing/saying. In most cases you are initially stunned and then seek counsel from others. “Is she just stupid or is she doing this with full knowledge that she’ll be voted off the island for this?” It is the “Just exactly what am I dealing with here?” question.
As mature and polite members of society, we might first seek clarification directly from the offender with a question that sounds something like…. “Do you realize that I’ve worked for 2 years on that account and you are going to take food from my kid’s mouths if you continue this?”
One of 2 things will happen here: 1) Confession of pure stupidity with profuse apologies for not having grasped the finer implications of her actions; or 2) Stone faced admission of “I don’t give a damn”.
And then the Trial of Character begins.
We seek character witnesses who can shed light on the likeliness of her stupidity or evil greed. Is there a history of other offenses? Any prior convictions? What is the word on the street about this person?
Here is the point in this: How would you stand up to a Trial of Your Character? Would it be the consensus of your peers that you are just being stupid (this is the desirable determination, by the way) or would others have stories about you demonstrating something less than the highest standards of ethics. “Yes Mary, you need to watch out for her”.
In this small town market, the Trial of Character can be completed in less than 10 minutes, without the accused ever knowing it happened. The more questionable the character, the longer the trial tends to last. More conversation, more gossip, more history, more damage…
I was called upon to be a character witness in such a trial this week. My experience with the accused was that she was of high integrity and this really must be a case of stupidity or ignorance or just not getting it. I was shocked to learn that when confronted she pulled the stone faced “I don’t give a damn”. Wow.
The problem with these situations is that now my impression of her is certainly called into question, I can’t really call her up and say “What????”, but I’m still hoping, that she is just stupid. Please just be stupid. Mary Rogers
3 comments:
It is sad when the best possible outcome is "She is stupid".
Does she get just one "oops" - even if it is a blatant, ugly, misdeed? On any given day the darker side of our human-ness can rear it's ugly head...maybe there is another option and she's just not herself (stress can do CRAZY things to our personalities)...
Whew! In this small a business and social environment that's a quick way to make yourself a pariah in both arenas. Maybe she doesn't care, but long term she'll be the loser. I saw a few -- fortunately not too many -- of those "I don't care" folks during my corporate career. Eventually they get their just dues, unfortunately it's usually not before the damage or destroy someone else's career.
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