Workaholic or job-lover?

In the past 10 days, I have noticed a barrage of opinions coming my way on the issue of women's relationships with their careers. Authors I have interviewed for the show, magazine articles I've read for leisure, conversations with friends and in turn my own self-reflecting thoughts have turned to the question: What is the difference between:

1. a successful woman joyously obsessed with passion for her work, and;
2. a woman hiding from her emotions and intimate relationships by becoming unavailable through the demands of her job and in the meantime, becoming quite successful

Keeping in mind that women, by nature, are the guardians of relationships, have family relationships suffered because our attention is at the very least distracted, and at the most, completely elsewhere. According to Mary in the Morning guest Carla Wills-Brandon, author of Beyond the Chase, Breaking Your Obsessions That Sabotage True Intimacy, this is a rather new matter for family therapists. Workaholism has been the man's domain. Until now. Women who feel underappreciated at home can now garner the "Atta Girls" at work. And if they set their minds to it, get promotions and raises and awards. Nobody seemed to notice the folded laundry or clean wood floors much. But this, well this job thing, is fabulous! Her book highlights the various OCD behaviors we hide behind in order to avoid our emotions and intimate relationships.

In MORE Magazine's October issue, Amanda Robb interviews Mika Brzezinski, co-anchor of MSNBCs Morning Joe. Mika B was ready to chuck her career after falling down a flight of stairs, distracted by the adrenaline of her fast-paced career with her infant in her arms. After 8 hours, a medical team concluded that the most serious of the injuries to her daughter was a broken femur. Child protective services investigated and she was ready to accept the handcuffs and be thrown in the slammer. She also wanted to quit her job and stay home. She couldn't bear the guilt. CPS closed the case.

Mika opened a new chapter. Instead of staying home, she accepted the fact that she needed more help to maintain the career she loves. She says straight out that her career comes first right now. More nannies, more of Dad's time, less Mom. She is uncomfortable at times, but has had to fashion a life around her career, because she just loves her career. Her husband is very supportive of this lifestyle decision. Wow. I don't think I've ever met a mother willing to say "My career comes first". I've seen it, just never heard it.

Another voice, Stephanie Rockey, author of Ladies Listen Up! tells Mary in the Morning listeners that if they want to have a remarkably intimate and emotional relationship with their man, that when they come home from their powerful jobs in the business world, their first task should be to go change their clothes into something feminine for your man so he will see you as a woman and you can enjoy the connection between you as a man and a woman. That's enough to make some us very uncomfortable.

Even after almost 40 years of feminism, we still don't have this figured out. Have our relationships suffered because of our careers? Of course they have. Have our careers suffered because of our relationships? Again, of course they have. How many post-feminism generations will it take before we come to terms with what we've created. Not to mention the poor guys who live in the minefield of attitudes toward the modern woman. We expected men to adjust immediately when we ourselves still bumble through the mess of work and family.

Do you keep demanding of yourself to do a better job balancing it all? Do you criticize your inability to juggle it all? Feel guilty about loving your work more than your family responsibilities?

I remember my critical thought of Sarah Palin's campaign in light of the fact that she had an infant child with special needs. I questioned her priorities. None of my beeswax.

Sorry ladies, I have no answers to this. I do wonder what example we are showing our sons and daughters. Good? Bad? Clueless. Women over 40 are the petri dish occupants of this experiment. You've come a long way Baby! Yeah, thanks. Does anybody have a user's manual?